Everyone's Nursing A Broken Heart

A my friends are so depressed these days. Makes me feel depressed as well, who won't? With all the aura around.

Hammie is going home to her ex's house tomorrow. She was previously staying with Meow. Her ex's (Rain) house, is considered her own house as she has been living wit hRain for 2 years now. Even Aunty P (Rain's mum) considers Hammie as part of the family alreasdy. For the past months, Aunty P has been telling my mum that Hammie has not been coming home and when my mum tells / ask me, I just have no answer for her. Now that Hammie is going home, this would mean that it's a break up with Meow (as how they see it). I don't understand why and how this arrangement came about and I'm not gonna put shit on myself by asking. Just by lookig at both their MSN id, makes me sad. One says, "I GiVe Up oN WaT EvEr I hAvE AnD FeEL... I HoNeStLy GiVe Up...I aM BeTTer Off ALoNe" and the other goes, "SpEnDiNG My VeRy LaSt WeEk WiTh My LoVes OnE !" or today's "aLtHoUgH iM HuRt.. LeT Me EnD THiS ReLaTiOnShIp SLowLy". How sad is that?

I have another friend who's also going thru a similar senario. She is together with her BoyBoy but he seems to give her reasons to suspect him on cheating. He claims he goes for company trips with his dad buut when check, the car's home. He never turns on his mobile when he's on these "company trips". he's always out with his "friends" during weekends, when he should be spending time with her. Doesn't help that he's good looking and he used to be a casanova (looks and acts like one actually) and he might still prolly is one. My friend's MSN id ain't much better either. Previously was "iT t@kes a loTs@ cOuRagE tO lOve n tRuSt~" and today is "I thOught i'Ve FinaLly fOund u..~"

When you love someone and they do not know of it, it hurts.
When you love someone and they know but don't feel the same, it hurts.
When you love someone and you're together, it hurts.
When you love someone and it's time to part, it hurts.

Is there no such thing as a happy ending anymore? Why must loving someone be a bad thing? It should be a good thing... Love was created so that there's something to look forward to when we are grown ups. Love was created to bring peace and harmony and everything one can dream of. But now, people fear love, fear to love. How did something so beautiful turn into something so hedious?

But yet... this feeling... this feeling of love, it's inevitable. Even I, have to admit that I'm going through this pain and torture call LOVE. Sometimes I just pray and hope that I will be a numb thing and don't feel anything. I wonder, did God purposely give us this feeling of love to torture us? Hmmm...

Blog Addict @ Work

I think I'm becoming a blog addict. I check my blog ever so often just to see if anyone left a sensible comment. I even post so many netries in 1 day. Gawd, am I going crazy?

I read in yesterday's paper of a confession of a blog addict. I seem to fit the description as per what the author mentioned.

Why do people blog? I don't even know.

Why do people read other people's blog? I don't know.

Why do I read people's blog? Again, I don't know. I just find other people's blog interesting and I like to have an insight of other people's life and experience.

I can't even believe that I was up till 3am, reading on people's blog. Man... I'm going insane.

I have to stop blogging now cos Hammie is rushing me to go yumcha already.

How Do You Tell Someone Off ?

I have friends who have foul-smelling mouths. It's not cos they are unhygienic, in fact they are very clean people. Who bathes the 2-3 times a day, even brushes their teeth (and tongue.. I reckon) twice a day or maybe more. It's because of their irregular eating habits and sometimes not even eating that causes this. The gastric juices eating up their stomach and causing the smell.

Some isn't very bad as it only happens on occasions where they forgot to eat or skipped a meal but at other times, they smells alright. I do have this 1 colleague tho that smells really bad every time because he refuses to eat at all. There is a lot of complaings about it but no one dares to tell him. All I could do is tell him that it's unhealthy for him not to eat but I dare not tell him about what it's making him smell like.

Question is, how do you tell them that they stink without embarrassing them? Cos in the process, you would be embarrassed by feelling embarrassed for them.

Any ideas?

Believe Or Not To

I went to a chinese temple on Sunday, after church. I did a luck thingy whereby I held some sticks together in a bucket and let it drop. The stick which is the tallest has to be picked out and there'd be a number on it. I was to find the number on the cupboards and take the paper inside. It said that I'd be a confused person cos I listen to people's "talking" and make me think negatively. I should make up my own mind and work on it. As for love, it said that my partner, no matter how far apart we are, we would eventually be together. It also said that I would receive some good news between the 8th and 9th month.

The very next day at work, my boss called me into her office and announced that she'll be opening a new designation soon as Assistant Operation Manager. She wants me to work my way towards that. I was thrilled that out of so many people, she suggested for me to take that post. I only told G, Pink and Matty about this. I don't want anyone else to know about this until it's confirmed. This is mainly because I don't want anyone to think otherwise of me and why I am the one being recommended, considering there's so many other capable people and even seniors. As it is, I am a very sensative person and don't want people to have a reason to despise me.

As for the 1st part of the luck thingy, I have to admit that I was thinking of leaving my job as I was a bit unhappy about some things. With people telling me that they were looking for jobs and thinking of leaving and how the company isn't doing well, as well as me seeing that things aren't exactly going as planned, made me have thoughts of leaving too. So, yes, what the paper said was quite true.

On love, it may be true but only time will tell. Matty and I have been maintaining our friendship for quite awhile now. He is my bestfriend and I have been completely honest with him and he claims he has been too. He's one of the 1st people I go to when I have a good or bad day. What kind of relationship we have, I really don't know but I do know that what we have is very special and I hope that something will happen. Even if we don't hook up, I still wanna maintain what we already built and have throughout these many years. Plans to go away for a holiday is in the works but just need loads of planning and courage to actually carry out. Losing him would mean losing a bestfriend of 7 years (yeap, we've known each other for 7 years now - unbelieveble? believe it).

Question now is, is all these luck thingys true or it just so happen, happens? Or issit that we want it to be true so we make it come true? Or maybe that it was a coincidence but we just make believe it is true because we wanna have something to believe in? Or maybe we just link certain things that we think is about that but in the process, discarded the other things that are of no relevance or bad?

This is deep.... I wonder if anyone out there can understand what I'm trying to get at. I'm having trouble thinking and putting my thoughts into words as it's almost 1.40am. I think I better call this a night.

People who come across this entry, if you have any answers or explaination to this, please feel free to elaborate cos I'm looking for answers and feedbacks to justify my points (?!?). -Nites-

Something Else For Me To Bitch

I really wish people would stop just putting random post into my blog. It's like they're spamming my blog.

If you have nothing to say, don't say anything at all, no one will say that you're dumb.

I value people who put in logical comments but NOT people who use my blog for advertisements.

Don't get me wrong (I seem to like using this), I welcome comments and feedbacks. I like it when people read my blog and find it interesting or learn from it or something... and actually take the time to comment on it.

To all spammers / advertisers,

PLEASE... STOP putting advertisements / random comments.

Thank you very much. Your cooperation is much appreciated.

Sincerely,
BitchyGem

I Hate Myself For Hating You

Ever had that feeling whereby you love someone so much but yet on the other hand, despise them just as much? I do. She's my bestfriend, she has been there almost all my life. I have known her since I was 12 and we've shared a lot of ups and downs together, gone thru stormy weathers and even encountered suicide in a funny manner. Heck, I'm even rhyming now. Yea, you get the point. We have been like pods in a pea (too much Forest Gump). We've even been in the same high school classes from age 13 to 17, same collage, same class (again) and now, even same company and same department. we even share the same friends.

Maybe it's because we have been together so much, I'm starting to feel that I need distance from her. I didn't feel this so much when I was a teenager but I started feeling strangled by her existance was when I was 16. I started distancing from her, making my own friends. It was ok for a while until we got to collage where we needed each other (cos we didn't have any other friends). 2nd year of collage was better as she had her own group of friends and I had mine. She went off to Aus to further her studies and I finished with a diploma and found a job. I still hung out with my collage friends tho. When she came back from Aus, she started hanging out with the people I hung out. And I got her a job in the same company (which I slightly regret but won't admit). It's nice having her around but at times, I can feel very negative about it.

Before she joined my company, I was very sociable and tried my best in everything I did. When she came into the picture, she was the center of attention as she was prettier, more outgoing, louder and smarter. I, on the other hand, took a backstage. I gave up trying and instead, passed all my work to her for her excellent touch. I lost all joy in going to work, now work is a routine for me. I especially hated it when she finds my faults (when I did something and there was an error), she tends to make it into this humongous thing and I'd be so embaressed, wish-the-ground-would-open-up-and-swallow-me type.

I also dislike it when she tries to control and tell me what to do. I know she's smart and all but I too need to have my own life. When we were in high school, she used to pick out what I should wear and what makeup I should put on. I hated it but never once protested cos I didn't wanna hurt her (I never did and never ever want to). Maybe it was her way of saying that she cares for me but I just didn't like it as sometimes the things she ask me to wear or do are from her taste, not mine (I sound like a whiney lil bitch here).

When it comes to friends, I feel that my friends rather go to her with everything and in the short time that she's been back, everyone has gotten so close to her, even more than I can ever get with them throughout the time I've known them (even people who she has never met before and joined out group when she was in Aus).

I don't blame her for any of this as I know she is a very capable girl. She possesses many great qualities that I can only hope to have half of. I blame myself for being such a failure. I give up too easily, I bitch too much, my mood swings are horrendous, I'm over sensative, I get jealous easily, I possess low self-esteem and too many more to go on about. I know that if Pink reads this, she's gonna go tsk tsk tsk and tell me that I shouldn't think this way. I have expressed these to her before and she has advised me on it too but I just can't help how I feel and I feel that I have to put it out in words to remind myself in the future of how a "fantastic" *rolls eyes* friend I am.

Now, this is why I have to open another blog, to bitch out my thoughts and feelings that can hurt people that I actually love and care about. These are things I don't want my "friends" to know, they must not know. The only persons whom I can be completely honest with is Pink and Matty. I've told this to Original once before but I told him to forget about it after. This is me, evil, the other side of Gem...

I must mention again, how can one love someone so much but yet despise them just as much?

Hard To Let Go

Went for karaoke with G, Cin, Meow and Hammie last Friday. Before that, dropped Cin at her bestfriend's house cos there was a brithday party (a quick hi and bye thingy). G and I recognised a guy there as he was from the same high school and age as us. Hammie recognised Cin's bestfriend as they were from the same high school. When Cin got back into the car, we were talking about the people we recognised. Cin stated that Carmen is 27 and her bf is 23. Hammie said that Carmen has a lil brother call Oliver. The moment she said that, G and I just looked at each other. Cin said that Carmen's full name is Carmen "something" Oh. At that moment, G and I just went histerical and shouted "Oh My God!" over and over again.

Oliver Oh was my very 1st bf. And yes, I lost my sacred treasure to him. The whole trip to The Curve was so embaressing as they kept teasing me about it. It was funny until the point I saw Cin smsing. I told her not to let Carmen know about this as I rather they don't know my existance and me of theirs. I treaten that if she ever tells, I will not speak to her for life. When we got the room, I just lost my mood. Drowned my sorrows in beer and cigarettes.

Thing is, I'm a really sensative and sentimental person. It's hard for me to let go of things, especially relationships. Just knowing that the link between him and me is so close gave me shivers. I just couldn't stop thinking about memories we've had. Believe me, I don't love him as I did before, just miss it. And when something like this happens, makes me miss it even more.

Lemme Bitch

Almost the whole of Malaysia was tuned in to either 8TV or TV3 about 8.30pm earlier. Why? MALAYSIAN IDOL, Season 2. Many of whom I know would have wanted Nita to win but in the end, Daniel won. I'm proud though as Daniel is Gent's cousin. I must say that I played a part in sending my votes for Daniel but I didn't think that he would have won either. All in all, Nita has a greater voice and she works the stage and audience like a charm but no doubt about it, Daniel has a large fanbase and he's still very young and has boyish charms which will attract any high-school girl (these are people who can afford to spend enormous amounts on sms votings).

Now, here's the bitching part. It's just Malaysian Idol! Why must people get so emotional about it? Especially when you're a grown adult who can think logically. It's not like the whole world ended or that you're the one losing in this. Neither is the winner or loser related to you. So, why the emotions? Meow was actually crying when they announced the winner. She wanted Nita to win, but she lost, accept the fact! I think it was so ridiculous. If I were there, I would have bitch-slapped her all the way to Zimbabwe.

Rant Rant Rant

I'm so pissed off at myself for being so silly. My earlier post was from my 2nd blog, which I created yesterday but unfortunately, I forgot my login name. Thanks to my senile condition, I have to create this other blog. I can't even delete my last blog cos I can't sign in. Hope I won't get blacklisted from blogger for this.

I am so broke!!!!

Thanks to my cosmetic surgery this Saturday, I'm left with 33buckeroos in my bank account and none in my wallet. I'm getting 2 moles on my face removed. It wasn't much of a problem when I was younger but lately, I have realised it's been growing and it looks hedious. I never did like it even when I was young but didn't give much thought to it either. Not that by removing it I would look any more gorgeous cos I've never been any way. But it was one of those I-need-to-do thing. I think I'm gonna owe my mum money too as I don't think my savings is enough to cover. Haih... Why am I blessed with such a face...? *sniff*

Will stop here for the time being, I think I need to go beg for charity...

Depressing-ness

This is so sad. I can't believe I have to create another blog just so I can rant till my heart's content. The problem with my other blog is that it is no more personal. Most of my friends view it on a daily basis and my life consist around them, therefore I am unable to say some things, just in case it offends certain people.

For today and this being my 1st entry, I shall not write much. Just wanna bitch about why I have to open this depressing blog.

Funny thing with blogs, I rather have total strangers reading and leaving comments on it rather than have my closes friends. I'm just a twisted-psychotic person. Muahahaha...